preface

I turn 23 today and when I look back to the kind of life I have lived and the kind of friends I have made, a big part of my heart is ashamed. I am bleeding profusely from my mouth as I write these words. The windows are turning darker and darker and just like every other day, mechanically, the sun will find its demise. Osho always said that you need to die every moment to be born again, a different one. Today, I might just.

I don't know why I am writing today. And where do I want to take this. I remember the day when I turned nineteen. I had just taken the JEE and was waiting for a couple of more exams that were my ticket out of the home. To my paid holiday. I cut the cake like a twelve-year-old would. a cheap cake. and i went to a temple with my father on a bike. a cheap, dilapidated bike. and when I crossed her house, I would look in the completely other direction, hoping with all my heart and wishes that if she is standing in the balcony, she doesn't recognise me, sitting behind his dad on a wretched bike like a loser. Its hard to believe, but that used to be my birthday wish.

Today, I just wish one thing. I don't want to die today.

Also, I need to stop this bleeding.